Early Morning


These writings will be 2 fold. 1. My business Bog. 2. Personal Journal

Have you ever been woken up early in the morning by God? Well, this morning was such a day.

Let me tell you a short story. Recently I broke up with my boyfriend…. wait…man friend….he’s definitely not a boy.

He’s a very unique person. Not like anyone I have ever known. That can be seen as good, especially knowing my background. It can also be bad, because I am totally lost in how to deal with him. Many of my rights are his wrong and many of his rights I don’t understand.

First let's say… I lived through my feelings. Being an abuse survivor, words were never true. (To exaggerate the situation, the ex-man friend, is not a talker). Due to the abuse I lived life through my senses, my emotions. Many trauma and PTSD survivor will understand this perspective. It’s what people call “street wise”. The problem is I no longer live in crisis, but my mind has not moved to the suburbs.

When living in crisis mode my interpretation of my emotions are never wrong! I hope you picked up the word “NEVER”! If I ever acknowledged they could be wrong I gave myself a pass of….”I’m sorry”, “I got issues,” “What do you expect from an abuse survivor.” Never taking responsibility because in my unspoken emotions, I believe I was owed something from the world because the world did not protect me as a child. I

intellectually I knew that was not true but my inner child wants retribution. And that 2yo little girl will get her way by any means necessary. She is just like any other child in her terrible twos. She is very strong willed and determined. Her skills are very much appreciated when there are goals to achieve, but her perspective of how to reach goals in a relationship is not always conducive to success.

And the boy…aaah…I mean man friend….Well let’s just say he has strong boundaries. And this is where the battle begins! ….HOPEFULLY YOU SEE MY DILEMMA?