These writings will be 2 fold. 1. My business Bog. 2. Personal Journal
Have you ever been woken up early in the morning by God? Well, this morning was such a day.
Let me tell you a short story. Recently I broke up with my boyfriend…. wait…man friend….he’s definitely not a boy.
He’s a very unique person. Not like anyone I have ever known. That can be seen as good, especially knowing my background. It can also be bad, because I am totally lost in how to deal with him. Many of my rights are his wrong and many of his rights I don’t understand.
First let's say… I lived through my feelings. Being an abuse survivor, words were never true. (To exaggerate the situation, the ex-man friend, is not a talker). Due to the abuse I lived life through my senses, my emotions. Many trauma and PTSD survivor will understand this perspective. It’s what people call “street wise”. The problem is I no longer live in crisis, but my mind has not moved to the suburbs.
When living in crisis mode my interpretation of my emotions are never wrong! I hope you picked up the word “NEVER”! If I ever acknowledged they could be wrong I gave myself a pass of….”I’m sorry”, “I got issues,” “What do you expect from an abuse survivor.” Never taking responsibility because in my unspoken emotions, I believe I was owed something from the world because the world did not protect me as a child. I
intellectually I knew that was not true but my inner child wants retribution. And that 2yo little girl will get her way by any means necessary. She is just like any other child in her terrible twos. She is very strong willed and determined. Her skills are very much appreciated when there are goals to achieve, but her perspective of how to reach goals in a relationship is not always conducive to success.
And the boy…aaah…I mean man friend….Well let’s just say he has strong boundaries. And this is where the battle begins! ….HOPEFULLY YOU SEE MY DILEMMA?
After 13 yrs of celibacy, and 30 yrs of not being in an emotionally, intimate relationship, I asked God for a mate that was perfect for me.
And, Well, HE listened. God said He will give you the desires of you heart Ps 37:4. What He didn’t say is you might not like it! A true Father knows what is good for his children. He gives them what will make them better people not just pretty dresses and bows in their hair.
When I ask for the gift of a mate, someone who would lead me to God and someone who would teach me to be a better person. I never gave God a step by step synopsis of how that should look and feel.
I asked for a man who would love me second to Him. Who would be faithful to me and too God. Who was strong and dependable. Who would never abandon me. Who could deal with my stuff.
Well, I’m here to tell you God has a sense of humor!
NOT FUNNY GOD, NOT FUNNY AT ALL! NO HAHA HERE!
But I will say….You do have a way of getting through the muck and mire to get your children to pay attention.
While traveling to find this new mate…..No…in my travels to learn how to cultivate myself for a new mate, God gave me two friends to battle it out with. I have no idea why these women deal with me sometimes, other than they truly love me!
When we say we don’t know what love is or that no one ever loved us!? Be honest….people have and do love you. The issue is you don’t like the package it comes and how it is/was deliver. So, as I said before GOD has a sense of humor!
Back, to the story!
At present I am coaching a woman through her trauma and helping her prepare her mind, body, and soul for the mate God has designed specifically for her.
I tell my clients all the time the people that come into our lives are there to be mirrors of ourselves. God wants us to work on areas that we are blind to see in ourselves. The “mirror” the things we dislike in others are the things God wants us to see in ourselves.
I BET THAT HURT HUH? It wasn’t easy for me to accept either.
So, here we are: I’m helping this young lady. I tell her that when she marries, she should not be surprised if her husband appears to be just like her dad/mom. I stated these events will have nothing to do with him, other than he’s the vessel that the message is coming through. I encouraged her to remember our conversation. I explained the triggers she encounters will be due to the interpretation she gives the event. And her interpretation may be skewed due to personal history.
I explained, he/she may be a jerk, but that is a neutral event. That is a time to make choices, not a time to be judge/jury.
Well guess who chose to become judge/jury?
Please understand, just because I am trained in this stuff, and I believe it, and teach it, I also have the same level of difficulty enacting it. I still get blindsided by my own agenda.
My goal for these writings is to say….no matter what you are going through. No matter how hard it is. Remember there is a lesson to learn in every event. Look for the silver lining in every crisis, and every joy!
Be Blessed and enjoy your roller coaster called life!!
If these writings encouraged you to ponder, Please reach out to me.
Beverly D'Amico RN, MSN, CGRS
Certified Grief Recovery Counselor Certified Fresh Awareness Workshop Facilitator